What makes great leaders? Part 1: Travelling Light
Leaders courageously deal with their own stuff, so that others don’t have to put up with it.
In my days as a campus minister we would organise student leadership training camps and whisk leaders-in-training away for a weekend of intense internal development. The transport for these camps was usually an organised car pool of every car owned by each of us or that we could borrow, and then we would do our best to transport everyone, their weekend bags, minimal bedding and all the food for the weekend in one trip each way to minimise costs.
A particular episode stands out in my memory. I drove in my Mazda Etude to the meeting spot to pick up my four passengers and their items and whatever of the shared things that could fit in. When I called my assigned passengers they all dutifully made their way with their backpack and bedding… except for the fourth person who was lugging a suitcase behind her. A massive suitcase, as though she were about to board a plane off to some distant country for at least a month. Mazda Etudes have big trunks, but not much else could fit in after the suitcase was heaved in. The three passengers at the back were cramped amidst back packs, bedding and boxes of cereal.
This theme of “leaders travelling light” was borne in that moment. It began with a conversation in my head that went something along the lines of, “How selfish can you possibly be? Did you really think that you were the only one needing to fit luggage into this car?” I pondered the irony of the selfishness on the way to a leadership camp.
It’s not much different to the baggage we all carry internally. If we as leaders are selfishly toting around our internal suitcases of stuff, how can we possibly have space for anyone else’s stuff? Leaders do not have the luxury of taking up all the space and having none left for others. By “space” I mean our internal capacity for the stuff others carry, the expanse of our heart, thoughtfulness, and place for people to come near or be vulnerable or even just real.
“The first thing is to be honest with yourself…” –Nelson Mandela
I believe that every leader should do an internal audit every so often; a moment of reflection, a moment of honesty. Stuff happens to everyone and without making light of it or trivialising the really traumatic things that people go through, it is necessary as a leader to deal with the past.
Instead of lugging those suitcases around, take a moment to unpack them, to deal, to let go and to step into freedom. Freedom and authenticity creates space for others around leaders. They become the tree in whose shade others can find rest.
“We hide behind pretty faces which we put on for the benefit of the public. And in time we may even come to forget that we are hiding, and think that our assumed pretty face/mask is what we really look like” –Simon Tugwell
The baggage can start collecting early in life when we are not loved as children; when we are abused, hurt or rejected. And it can be added to by many moments through life such as bullying or rejection at school, humiliation, divorce, failures, retrenchment and even just by the rat-race of life. We could deal with it and in that vulnerability make space for others, or we could hide behind the mask; the pretty face or the high performer or the intellect or the fun-loving life of the party; whilst at the same time holding everyone at arm’s length, pretending we are fine and wondering why we hurt the ones we love and never have trust and relationships with peers or followers alike.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.” –EE Cummings.
Fight for authenticity. Fight to live without the stuff. Fight to get rid of your baggage so there is enough space for everyone else. Leaders don’t need masks.